Pornography in a relationship – pros and cons
Nowadays, erotic films are more accessible than ever before. While watching adult movies may seem like something most do on their own, many couples watch pornography together to increase excitement and find inspiration for some new ventures between the sheets.
Some are ashamed to openly share their sexual fantasies with their partner, and some are not even sure what turns them on. Incorporating pornography into foreplay is a great way to discover new positions and types of sex and stimulation. You can increase your creativity in bed, which will help to spice up the games in the bedroom and break the sexual monotony. Exploring and experimenting with sex is very exciting, interesting and fun, and enjoy new discoveries together.
Here are some benefits and potential problems associated with consuming pornography in a relationship.
A shortcut to passion
Watching erotic films affects the libido, which can be useful for people with a low sex drive, and is a very easy way to get both of you excited quickly. Watching porn as a form of foreplay breaks the monotony, opens the door to experimentation and helps you get into the right mood more easily. In addition, porn movies are a great way to reduce tension and stress.
Regular masturbation will increase your potency and endurance
Masturbation should not be a solitary activity. Enjoy pornography together – start masturbating next to each other or on top of each other. It is a great foreplay, and at the same time you will exercise and get a good blood flow to the muscles and tissues for further sexual escapades. More frequent masturbation has been proven to help men delay orgasm and strengthen erections, while women achieve orgasms more easily and are more intense.
Libido can increase and decrease depending on how much attention we pay to it. If we allow ourselves to fall asleep and start neglecting this aspect of our life, it will be more and more difficult for us to get out of that mood. More frequent arousal and orgasms will stimulate better blood flow to the genital area and greater secretion of sex-related hormones. This way, you will be more aroused and want more sex that will last longer, which will be greatly helped by watching pornography regularly and masturbating more often.
Porn movies can be very inspiring
By watching pornography together, you will share your sexual fantasies and encourage open and healthy communication that should always exist between partners. Without honest communication, you cannot know what, how and when suits someone, and this is the basis of great sex, a quality love relationship and a successful coexistence.
One of the best things about sex is exploring new stimuli and discovering new pleasures. Without it, it will be difficult to know exactly what you like and want in bed and you will miss many pleasant moments. This is where porn movies help a lot, they can inspire you to try new poses, places, role plays, ways of stimulation, encourage you to maybe try using sex toys or try some version of BDSM… They will probably encourage you to try what you haven’t before seemed interesting or that you never knew could be so exciting and stimulating.
Don’t be shy to explore your fantasies
Pornography is an easy and quick way to explore and satisfy many sexual fantasies. Sometimes something seems like a good idea, but you change your mind when you see it in practice, and often some things would never come to your mind on their own, but once you see them, they won’t leave your mind. After all, many things are easier to show to your partner than to describe them, so you can decide together whether it is feasible or not, and whether you want to go in that direction at all.
Sex can always be rediscovered and changed, and fulfilling your own fantasies is an important prerequisite for satisfaction and sexual health. Repression can only lead to frustration and tension that erode your relationships with other people, but also affect your relationship with your own body and psyche, which can be extremely harmful.
How to choose what to watch?
There is a possibility that you will encounter difficulties in finding erotic films that both you and your partner like at the same time. We are not all the same and we do not have the same preferences, but thanks to the numerous content available, with a little effort, you will find what excites you both. With an open and honest conversation, you’ll probably quickly find the type of movies you want to watch. Agree whether you are more turned on by fierce action or longer scenes of foreplay, striptease or anal sex. You have to find what turns you both on and satisfies you in order to be on the same level and equally enjoy those moments, and that’s why you need to be honest about your desires and fantasies. If one person is great with one type of pornography, and another finds it at least boring, and maybe repulsive, it will create an uncomfortable atmosphere in which no one will be relaxed or satisfied.
What if you prefer to watch porn alone?
Regardless of whether you decide to watch porn together or not, doing it alone and without your partner knowing can cause problems in your relationship, especially if there are issues with jealousy and insecurity. If there is any discord, pornography is almost certainly not the cause, but only a catalyst or symptom that will reveal a deeper and bigger problem that you need to solve. It is important to emphasize that people who enjoy watching porn movies have an active sexual life with their partner, and the most important thing is open communication, honesty and a healthy attitude towards their own body and sexuality in general. There is no reason to feel guilty or ashamed here because you are not crossing any boundaries as long as you are honest and nothing is hidden. There is no room for secrecy, hiding and fear in sex. Pornography and masturbation are the most normal part of life and should not bother your partner. Consume it in moderation, like any other thing in life, and you won’t create problems for yourself.
If your partner is bothered by your viewing of pornography, a conversation is mandatory in which you must clearly and unequivocally communicate that pornography is just another aspect and supplement of your joint sexual life and that you do not watch porn because they are not enough or attractive to you. Hidden and secret viewing of pornography can be perceived by a partner as a betrayal of trust, which can raise suspicions and create a rift between you. Don’t hide or be ashamed in front of each other about it. It should be understood that you cannot always be in the same sexual mood and that there are days when one of you is extra horny, and the other is tired from work or stress and just wants to lie down and rest (even if watching pornography is extremely psychologically relaxing).
Of course, as with everything else in life, everything should be in moderation – if you overdo it with pornography, over time it can negatively affect your attitude about sex and your own body.
Your partner may think that he is not enough for you
There is a possibility that your partner will misinterpret your desire to introduce watching erotic films into your sex life, and he could feel that he is no longer enough. In order to avoid this, it is important to talk and share with your partner the reasons why it could be useful and enjoyable for both of you and not to put pressure on it. If your partner doesn’t like the idea, you have to respect their wishes, but use it as an opportunity to talk about whether there’s something else you’d both like to try.
A common and important problem that needs to be communicated immediately is that you are watching porn movies to spend quality and pleasant time together, not that you are together to act out fantasies from porn movies. Your partner should be sure that they are the source of your attraction and sexual desire and that porn movies are just an unimportant and innocent addition to your regular sexual functioning.
The worst thing you can do is to rush at your partner after the session with your own hand or a toy carried with unequivocal enthusiasm. Partners should never feel like they’re there just to blow you off after you’ve been turned on by scenes or actors from porn movies, and that they’re there like living inflatable dolls with whom you’ll have fun and “let loose”.
The influence of pornography on the perception of one’s own body
Porn films can create unrealistic expectations of sex, partners and ourselves, which makes them extremely harmful for younger audiences who are just forming a view of themselves, their bodies and sex, because these ideas continue into later life. Porn films are just that – films – with carefully selected angles, lighting, make-up, filters and actors. The poses were chosen so that the action was the most visible and tempting for the camera, and not pleasant to practice.
It is especially harmful to compare them with people from the porn industry who are chosen for these roles precisely because they have oversized physical attributes, they are often extremely flexible, strong, dexterous, professionally depilated, bleached, plumped, siliconized, etc. Don’t forget that this is their job. In reality, the sex you usually see in pornography is often nothing more than a performance, and it takes hours of filming to make it look right – they fake pleasure so that you at home can really enjoy it. Not to mention that the 20 cm penises that you regularly see in porn movies usually look scary and not so enticing when you see them in real life.
Be confident in your body, sexiness and attractiveness. Insecurity is the worst (and most common) obstacle to great sex. Your partner wants to watch pornography with you because it’s arousing to share the experience with you. So don’t stress if you’re not lithe like a porn actress, gifted like a porn actor or apparently don’t have a single pimple on your body because you weren’t powdered by a professional team of make-up artists before going to bed.
Avoid comparing your own sex to porn sex. Most of the poses you see there are uncomfortable, and some are extremely painful, and even dangerous, if you are not a professional – these are human bodies and sexuality taken to the extreme in studio conditions with a series of safety and hygiene precautions. Also, sex in movies is empty and devoid of an emotional component and intimacy that gives it a completely different meaning.
Inability to achieve sexual excitement without pornography
As we emphasized earlier, moderation is important in everything in life, including the consumption of pornography. Use common sense and don’t overdo it. As pleasant and relaxing an activity as it is, excessive exposure to pornographic material can lead to mental numbness and fatigue that could negatively affect your sexual desire and activity.
Our minds are drawn to sexual activity – whether it’s happening live or on screen. Watching pornography automatically stimulates the secretion of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that causes feelings of happiness and satisfaction. With extremely frequent exposure to pornography, you can become more and more resistant to the increased secretion of dopamine, and you can also become more and more accustomed to depictions of sex and naked bodies on the screen. Getting used to such a way of stimulation requires new ways to get excited, and then you often reach for more and more explicit and violent materials, but you are also increasingly dissatisfied with your sexual drive and its exercise, whether solo or in a couple.
If pornography is used as a visual stimulus because reality is insufficiently stimulating and you determine that you can no longer function sexually without the additional stimulation provided by erotic materials, you should drastically reduce watching pornography and change your daily and weekly routine. The solution is very simple. Stop consuming pornographic materials for a few months. During this period, the brain will be weaned from the stronger stimuli provided by pornography, and the effect of desensitization to sexual content will decrease. In order not to have the same problem again, be aware that you must not fully indulge in the very accessible stimulation of pornography, and vary the type of pornography you consume. Not all pornography is the same, and your brain is stimulated in a different way when you watch a movie, read an erotic story or novel, flip through a comic book or magazine.
Conclusion
Erotic movies are a stimulant that will help you improve your own sex life and spice up hot moments in the bedroom. Just don’t take the things you see there too seriously – it’s all fake and polished and things don’t work or look like that in real life. Don’t create a false image of your own body or unrealistic expectations of your partner.
As always in sex, honest communication is key, and only by having an open conversation will you prevent possible points of contention and indulge in pleasure together without fear or conflict. Movies, photos, novels, whatever you decide on, you both have to be on the same page and in agreement.